A Clean(ish) Eating Update
So I said that my last update on clean eating would be my last…but the journey has continued.
And I thought it would make sense to share.
It has been six or so weeks since I wrapped up my experience with The 30 Clean and I am proud (and somewhat concerned) to say that it has stuck with me.
Yes, I am now technically “free” to eat whatever the heck I want, whenever I want…but somehow, I can’t.
I do sometimes, don’t get me wrong, but the “clean” mantra never seems to leave me.
If I eat clean, I am secretly patting myself on the back and if I don’t, I am not so secretly scolding myself.
Once you learn how to restrict yourself from so many things, it becomes very hard to bring them back in without feelings of remorse, guilt and unparalleled liberation.
It’s good and it’s not.
I have joked with my husband on many an occasion that the experiment left me with nine fewer pounds and a slight eating disorder (joking, please take with a grain of salt…pun intended). I am smarter about my choices on most days which is tremendous progress for the girl who considered a Snapple and a Kit Kat a balanced meal in college, but I am also overly hard on myself when I indulge too much.
Part of that is certainly the impact it has on both the scale and my physical reactions (it’s amazing to me now how a “dirty” meal can affect my digestion and cough immediately…), but a big part of it is also a psychological feeling of failure and lack of willpower.
And really, who wants to feel like a failure over a piece of pizza?
Last night, I wanted to order in takeout. I was tired and burnt out and alone with my kids and after I fed them and finally got them to bed, the only logical dinner solution I could come up with was junk.
Instead, I found it in me (and in my refrigerator) to pull together a salad with fresh heirloom tomatoes from the farmer’s market, a chunk of good feta and a few slices of salami. Oh, and a glass of wine. Obviously.
It felt good to make the right choice.
I think I just need to figure out how to feel just as good on the nights when I make a not-so-right choice.
Because I don’t really believe anyone can change over night, or even in a mere 30 days, but if you can find a way to change – in a logical, positive way – one night at a time, then you (and I) will be doing just fine.
*follow me here for some of the clean – and not so clean – recipes I am dying to try…