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I Don’t Believe in Date Night – A Comment for the Comments

2012 August 11

Oh hello there, America! Nice to meet you…


So a crazy thing happened on the way to the weekend…my Huffington Post piece continued to gain legs and on Friday it appeared on the homepage of and before I even had a chance to say “do you want yogurt or apple sauce with breakfast?” to Little D that morning, there were thousands of visits to my blog and hundreds of comments forming on the piece.

Now let me back up to say that writing – and having people read that writing – has been a lifelong dream of mine. And this, my friends, was the biggest pinnacle to-date in that dream. The Huffington Post is a long way from the (now defunct) Montreal Mirror, which gave me my first byline while I was in journalism school.

It turns out I wasn’t really prepared.

I have friends who are actors, singers, designers, artists and all of them put their creativity out there for an audience day after day, but this was really my first time on a scale such as this.

Now I know why they don’t read their reviews.

I immediately started reading the comments and, of course, focusing on the negative ones. People who thought I was criticizing the date nights they love so much. People dissecting my marriage based on the 650 or so words I had shared with them about it. People telling me I was a crummy friend…or worse, an alcoholic.

I emailed my editor to see if most contributing bloggers reply to their comments and it turns out that some do and some don’t. But with the number quickly growing, it became evident that trying to do it in that forum wasn’t going to be realistic. I wanted to address the naysayers as much as the supporters, but individual comments just didn’t seem feasible. What I had no interest in doing was defending my marriage. It stands up for itself.

So I decided to use my own personal forum here to clear up a few hot buttons from the piece for those readers who have taken the time to get to know me a little more via this blog:

First, as the title states, this was simply what I believe in regards to the notion of date nights. I am sure they work wonders for millions of marriages out there, they just aren’t a pillar of mine. I am not criticizing you if you count on yours every Friday and have for 30 years. I am not telling young couples not to do it. I am not trying to put the waiter at your favorite date-night spot out of a job. This is just what I believe.

Second, we do go out. We have two kids. Of course we go out. But we tend to find that we prefer to save our nights out for group outings with good friends or girls’ or guys’ nights on our own, rather than using the babysitting budget for traditional “date nights.”

The truth is, yes, I do share many of my friends’ conundrums with skater hubs. This one was particularly sensitive to some readers. What I have found after being with the same man for so many years, is that a) most of my friends assume I tell him most everything and are fine with it and b) often times, they appreciate the male perspective they get from him anyhow. Some of them just go direct to him when they want to. I don’t consider it a betrayal. In fact, I assume that most of the issues I share with them are going back to their husbands and partners for review, too. And that’s fine. Because, in turn, as good friends, I assume neither one of them will judge me for it.

A lot of people objected to my point of view on marriage and relationships because of my age. Yes, I am 34. Yes, I met my husband when I was 17. But here’s the thing: I actually think that couples in my generation have more challenges up against their relationships than generations past (more on that in another post to come) so I don’t believe that you necessarily gain wisdom with age in this arena. I believe you gain it with experience. And that, after 17 years and two kids, I think we have….hopefully with much more to come.

Finally, the wine thing. I had to laugh out loud at this one. Yes, I enjoy a glass of wine in the evening to celebrate keeping my kids happy, healthy and safe for another day. For maintaining my own business in one of the toughest economies the world has ever known. For being able to look across the table at my husband and still adore him. It does not mean I have a drinking problem, it does not mean my relationship only survives because of happy hour and it certainly does not mean my kids are going to go missing in the middle of the night (I particularly enjoyed that comment, thank you!). It means that I, like every other mother and wife out there, like to sit back at the end of the day, relax, and look around at a job well done. I just like to do it with a glass of sauvignon blanc in my hand.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to read the piece, to explore the blog, and for your comments…good and bad.

12 Responses leave one →
  1. Kate permalink
    August 11, 2012

    I, for one, applaud your article. As a young-ish and newly-ish married woman I really appreciated your point of view in finding special moments in every day with your husband. It’s easy to enjoy your spouse when you’re cleaned up and one-on-one in a restaurant. It’s more of a challenge, in my opinion, to find the love when you haven’t even showered or brushed your teeth and there are toys to pick up, bottles to wash and refill, clothes to fold, and a screaming baby to soothe (we’re also new parents). It’s important to make the most of every little moment we have. I found your thoughts to be inspiring for my own marriage. So thank you πŸ™‚

    • WWGD permalink*
      August 13, 2012

      Thanks, Kate. Means so much to me!

  2. August 12, 2012

    Dang girl. People are prickly, aren’t they? Not you! Seems like you touched a nerve, huh? I need to go check out some of those comments! Our take on date night is very similar, I think. My husband and I rarely go out the two of us, like you our one-on-one connection happens after work, as we’re cooking dinner and straightening up the detritus of the day (over a cocktail or glass of wine, BTW!). We go out as a family, or with other couples or I snatch a girls night here and there. What works for us, won’t work for everyone, I guess, but then I only need it to work for me, I suppose!

    And proud of you girl! Congratulations!

  3. August 12, 2012

    well said!

  4. Nicole permalink
    August 12, 2012

    I am a mama of two who LOVES her date nights, but I loved your article, too. I started subscribing to your blog after I read the article (via Hollywood Housewife on Facebook). I think finding those moments during every day life to connect with your husband ARE what it’s all about. Date nights won’t sustain your marriage – but they sure are fun! Thank you for your honest voice.

    • WWGD permalink*
      August 13, 2012

      And thank YOU for sharing your feedback…!

  5. August 12, 2012

    I never comment on blogs, but I am making an exception for you. I feel like in marriage the trick is to figure out what works for you and do it. I applaud that you have taken that time. The same things don’t work for everyone, but that is precisely the point. Other people’s molds don’t matter. Good for you!

    • WWGD permalink*
      August 13, 2012

      Aw, thank you — you should comment on more blogs, we truly appreciate it! πŸ˜‰

  6. liz duncan permalink
    August 13, 2012

    The man was recently in a large scale online voting contest for music. After 2200 artist entered, he ended up in first and won. My point being, you wouldn’t believe the comments and criticism that people were leaving him online. There are some truly judgemental and cruel people in this world and it’s all so easy to say negative and hurtful things behind a computer screen rather than to someone’s face. (Hurtful things like, you’re child is going to go missing.) Horrible.

    Don’t worry about the negative comments because I’m sure you already know, it’s close to impossible to please everyone. I also started subscribing to your blog after reading that piece so you must be doing something right.

  7. Danette permalink
    August 13, 2012

    So sorry for all that nit-picking of a great article with a great point. I am so with you and truly value my down time after my kids go to bed with me and my husband and a glass of wine (or 2-3, yes, I said it!). Cheers!

    • WWGD permalink*
      August 13, 2012

      Ha, amazing! Thanks for the kind words.

  8. Rebecca permalink
    August 13, 2012

    Stay true to you and don’t let others persuade you to be other than who you are! it’s soooo easy for others to judge you and your article from behind anonymous posts; it takes courage to put yourself out there for all the world to judge. I enjoyed the date night article and only feel badly that you felt like you owed any of the negative nellies any sort of a reply at all (though i would have likely done the same πŸ™‚

    And, thanks for WWGD. Cheers!

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